{JamEs' FuNerAL: JuNe 17, 2oo6}

These photographs were taken by our dear friend Alison. Some of them are so raw in the grief they depict, that I would not post them. But I am still so grateful to have them, as they document the sorrow of our family, and also the love that we have been surrounded with. They are very precious to us now. This would be difficult to explain to anyone who has not experienced this... but they are a connection to our James. James was a person capable of loving so deeply, and he loved all of these people so much! Seeing his brothers, his uncles, his cousins carrying his casket is very poignant to me. Seeing all of his family & friends missing and loving him evokes so much tenderness and gratitude in me, as I know it would in him. In years to come, I feel quite certain that our children and grandchildren will be better able to understand and process the loss of their brother and uncle, if they are able to see these photographs. Our J.W., who was serving a mission in Canada, watched a video of the funeral, as well as a CD of these photographs. I find solace in these images--- knowing that, though our sorrow was so intense... ( and it truly hasn't altered much), my perspective has changed. It was, in some ways, the most profoundly spiritual day of my life. I am relieved that we are two years past it. Sometimes James feels so far away (It has just been so long since I have talked with him, touched him). Other days, I feel myself moving ever closer to him...

Updated to add: People have asked about how J.W. came to the decision to remain on his mission...it was a really hard decision; one that we had to let him make. There were many varying opinions about what he should do (I wanted him to come home ), and the church was supportive of whatever he decided to do. His mission president left the decision completely up to our son. There was a great deal of support and love for him there. He decided to stay in Montreal. I know, as truly heart-wrenching as it was for us all to be apart, and for him to process it, that he made the right choice. He actually felt that it would be too hard to leave us again, and return, and he really wanted to complete his service. (missionaries are SO focused--- and I am quite certain that he was guided by divine inspiration) In some ways, he was spared much trauma, but he has had to grieve so much since returning--- they were so close, and he misses James so much. There have been some really rough times for him, indeed for each of our children. I really do think that each case is so different, and must be treated carefully. In our case, I had some terribly urgent health problems the day after the funeral, and almost had to have surgery, so I think that he really would not have felt able to return to Montreal. It was so healing for him to be able to complete his mission , and he did feel James helping him. I know that no one expects us to justify his decision, or to explain it, but I think it might help some to know how we came to this choice. Thank you for your kind words. I know that the compassion of friends & strangers helps me to be stronger. I really do know this.